The emotions that come along with being pregnant can sometimes be overwhelming and annoying. In the moment, I feel right and completely understandable, but upon reflection I find how silly my reasoning is. It seems that the only time I am truly aware in the moment of how silly my emotions are is when I am crying. Last night for example, I was listening to the news as I got ready for bed and a story of a kitten riding from Utah to Provo, ID in the engine compartment of a vehicle comes on. Kitten was fine, just suffered minor injuries. But me... I'm sobbing without any hope of stopping, thinking of the poor kitty and it's feelings and it's injuries and all the things I imagine it was going through (as if it were human non the less). But it was fine.. and was going to make a full recovery they said. I mean- sad story maybe.... but 10 minutes of uncontrollable crying... no. And the whole time I'm thinking, "of all the stupid things I can cry about." Luckily I was able to successfully hide from my husband while I worked at stopping the crying. He's pretty certain that every time I cry, it's his fault. I just didn't feel like having to say over and over "It's not your fault" because obviously I wasn't going to say "the stupid kitty story on the news is making me cry for 10 minutes even though it had a happy ending." haha.
When I feel the most stupid is when I look back on a disagreement or moment of anger I just had with Joel and realize yes, what he did was not the way I wanted it done, but no, it was not a very good reason to be angry or short with him. Thank you really supportive and understanding husband for not reacting negatively to my insane outbursts! Washing your face with my facial moisturizer would probably have been funny had I not been pregnant. :) Oh the 20/20 vision we have looking backwards.
As for dreams- I have been having a lot of strange dreams where I am with my ex boyfriends again. At first I would wake up guilty that I was dreaming of other guys. But upon reading a dream interpretation for pregnant woman's dreams, I feel a lot better. Apparently dreaming of previous relationships suggests that I am becoming bothered with my new appearance. And dreaming of previous relationships is a way of me feeling "desirable" or beautiful still. I didn't realize how conscious I was of my personal appearance until it was pointed out to me. Being pregnant, you do become very aware of everything on your body. Your skin, weight, clothing (ie- the way it fits or DOESNT anymore) So I feel safe in saying that my brain does not have some kind of other motive I am unaware of. (one starts to question themself when their dreams become progressively odd)
And as for baby Bentley- he has made his preferences known already. He likes sugary things. Fruit and ice cream (not together) in particular. He makes me crave very unhealthy things such as deep fried everything. He prefers that I sleep on my right side or else he kicks and throws a tantrum so mommy can't sleep or has a terrible urge to pee. He also prefers to inhabit the right side of my stomach. (However last night his head was just to the left of my belly button and his arms and feet were down the right side) He's a kicker, not a puncher. (I can tell because when he kicks, both his head and feet push on my tummy. And when he punches just one spot moves and it's generally not as strong) I feel a very strong willed child on the way. Only 11 more weeks till his due date. Luckily, May and June have gone by pretty quickly and July is filled with lots of things as well. So once July is over- then I'm sure the wait will become unbearable. Tick tock, tick tock.