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Monday, December 20, 2010

Oh boy, Christmas!

Somehow, (I'm not sure how) December has already started and Christmas is 5 days away... ? Where did December go? I'm pretty sure that last I looked it was still November. I mean, crap, I still vividly remember Halloween and I know it wasn't that long ago. So I guess it's almost christmas. I'm very excited for this year because it has brought with it a lot of fun things. Two of these things being our baby boy and our new house. I know Bentley is still small, but I still look forward to watching him interact with his new things. Joel and I are very happy to be in our own home now. Especially since we can now envision to an extent, what our future holidays will look like.

With the joys of Christmas also comes the stress of Christmas. I don't think it's going to get any easier trying to juggle families. Joel and I LOVE our families SO much! It's important to us that our children know their grandparents and aunts and uncles. Neither of us has a desire to move away or to have to travel long distances to be able to see any of them. But with being so close to everyone comes the challenge of balancing time. Unfortunately I have not quite mastered this skill. I try very hard to spend time with family. I hope they know that and can see my struggle to make ends meet. I love you all! With my mistakes come learning and hopefully a lot less sadness. I'm trying my best.

It's strange now that I have Bentley to see that Christmas doesn't hold as much magic as it used to  for me. When the roles switch and you become Santa and the parent... it's a little sad. I know what all the presents are and did all the shopping. There's less excitement waiting for it all. It makes me a little sad. I'm sure once our baby gets old enough to be excited about it that I'll be more excited to see him enjoy everything. I still look forward to going to my parents house. There's still mystery and magic there.

And a new year is about to begin... 2011.. I'm sure it'll be here before I can catch up!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My journey

Today my baby boy is 3 months old! I can't believe how quickly it has gone. One day I was in the hospital having a baby and the next day it's 3 months later. Pfew! It's been amazing being a mommy though. Bentley is such a good baby! He's so happy and smiles all the time. In the past week he has started trying to laugh. It's like I have this new mission in life... make him laugh. I love his little giggle and it seems like it comes and goes so quickly that I have to keep trying. Hence the new life mission... I remember when I was younger and I would watch people with babies. They would go crazy and make all these silly faces and basically do things that would generally be embarrasing. And I would think "No way, I'm never gonna do that." And now- here I am going gaga over this kid doing anything necessary to get that laugh. Your heart just melts a little more for them when they laugh. (I'm certain mine is all droopy and melty)

It's getting easier to function on less sleep. And it's not even that I get less sleep, it's that I get to wake up 2-5 times a night and stay awake for 10-30min each time. It really kills the whole REM sleep. But like I said, I'm getting better at functioning. I realized that continuing my prenatal pills is a very important part of my daily routine. Without it I'm completely lethargic. Bentley has also started coo-ing. Oh I love it! He just looks at you like he's saying things you're supposed to be understanding. Like his little gibber jabber makes sense.

Joel is having fun with him too. He says the funniest things sometimes. You know the person you marry and their norms... this is new. Like when we bought his first suit. (Button up white shirt, suit pants and a clip on tie) Joel gets him dressed and comes out of Bentley's room saying "Isn't he CUTE?" And of course I can't react and be like "did you honestly just say cute?" because then he'll realize what he's said and never do it again. So I smile to myself and enjoy watching a father with his son. Some things you just can't put into words. Love my little family. Joel is such a trooper too! He's currently working full time, going to school full time and coming home to a brand new baby and house. So many things that require his attention. Only a week left until he is done with this semester of school. He looks forward to the break! As do I! I missed my husband.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I remember the first time Bentley slept 5 hours at night instead of his consistent 4. We were so excited that this was a sign of him sleeping more. Since that day, I have crossed my fingers that he would start sleeping through the night. No such luck of course, but we have been pretty lucky with as much sleep as we get. One night, Bentley slept 7 straight hours. Of course, that night Joel and I had stayed up talking instead of going to sleep so we still didn't get to enjoy the 7 hours. Bentley is doing pretty well though. He usually sleeps 5 to 6 hours after we first lay him down at night. (after feeding him and finally getting him back to sleep he will usually only sleep another 1.5-2 hours so I tend to not count that) Last night I wasn't so lucky though. We laid Bentley down around 11:30pm and he woke up at 2, 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, 6:30, and 7:30. From 7:30am until 9 I laid in bed with him trying to get him to go back to sleep... I failed. Sooooo tired. Most nights, I get up once (to feed baby) and then go back to bed. Last night was rough after getting used to his normal schedule. I'm still crossing my fingers that he'll start sleeping through the night. Oh how much I would like that!!

Monday, October 25, 2010


I can't believe October is almost over. It seems like the time between July and September stretched on forever and ever waiting for our baby boy and now here it is almost November and the time just zipped by!! September and October have been busy months for us. With the arrival of Bentley and packing up our apartment to move into the house we were buying... The lack of sleep was not well timed. But the exciting news is that Joel and I are now home owners. We love love love it! We signed the papers on October 11th and got our keys 2 days later. Now we've finally gotten everything moved into the house... just not unpacked. Our kitchen is coming together. We had to buy a fridge and have been lucky enough to be getting a new stove/oven as well (apparently they are called a "range" when you buy both in one unit.. the technical things). Now I have a project for the kitchen I am hoping to get done soon. It's really fun to have your own home and to be able to do whatever you want to it. Didn't realize how much I was going to enjoy that part until I had ideas that I could actually try out. Bentley's room is closest to being done. So a little about our home. It's 1,942 sqft. and has 4 bedrooms, 2 bath rooms, a bonus room, living room, family room, kitchen/ dining room and a utility room. We love how close we are to family. Joel and I really enjoy being able to visit and spend time with them.

Bentley is growing up so quickly now. He's smiling and starting to look around a lot more. He follows movement and turns his head to watch you. He hasn't quite caught on to us calling his name yet but he seems to be getting close to understanding that much. It's fun to watch Joel interact with him. One time he called me into the living room and held Bentley's hand up (which was in a fist with his thumb between his middle and ring finger) and said "He's got my nose" with a big grin :) I love being a stay at home mom.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Life is good. Baby boy has been acting a little upset the past couple days. I think I ate something bad because I was on the verge of throwing up for a while there and he was having a hard time settling down. Poor guy. We're doing a lot better now though. He slept pretty good last night (which I am SO grateful for!). Somehow, my day is consumed by taking care of baby. Nothing else seems to get done. Eventually I am going to learn how to get back into the flow of things. It probably doesn't help that baby is only 3 weeks old. He's starting to get into a schedule though. We go to bed between 10 and 11, wake up between 1 and 2, wake up around 6, get up between 8 and 9, stay awake until 11 and then... the rest of the day isn't a schedule yet. But it's nice to have something regular. Most days i don't even make it out of my pajamas. Hopefully life will become more normal as baby gets older. That's all for now.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Baby boy

Well our baby boy is now 2 weeks old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone already. People tell you it goes by fast but somehow this is just way too fast. Some of his newborn outfits are already too short for him. His little legs have to be bent in order to fit into them. He is such a long baby too. At 2 weeks he is already 7lbs 2oz and over 21inches long. Joel and I have decided that he is gonna be tall and skinny like his momma. When he was one week old we got some pictures of him taken by our cousin Sarah Zwygart who does photography for a living. Beautiful photos! 
Joel has always said to me that all babies look alike and they're all ugly. I think his opinion changed when we had Bentley because I hear Joel quietly telling him how cute he is and that he's a beautiful baby. I'm sure he'll never admit to it. But I love observing Joel as a father. There is so much love for this little being. He said to me the other day, "I like when he holds my finger." It made me smile. Currently he sleeps 3-4 hours at a time in the night. We really like that. If we go to bed at 10, he usually wakes up between 1 and 2 and then right around 6. So it's nice for Joel because he only wakes up once in the middle of the night and then at 6 he has to get up for work anyways. Momma loves being home with baby. Couldn't be anything more important in the world. We're enjoying our little boy.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Where do I start..?

It's amazing how much has taken place in our lives the past couple weeks. Currently I am working on writing my birth story. Most of the stuff I post on here is for me because I am terrible at keeping a journal. I just want to be able to document the things of our lives and not worry about our computer dying  (like my previous one had). I lost a lot of pictures and journals. Plus, it's fun to share with other people. :) Will update soon.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

3 reasons...

3 reasons I should NOT have tried to walk the baby out yesterday.

1. It doesn't work. 100 people can tell me it does, but unless your body is ready to go into labor, it ain't happening. I walk for 2 and a half hours and nothing.

2. I was a dumb walker... I wore flip flops. Flip flops= feet hurt way before I even got close to going into labor.

3. Number 3 is the biggest no no. I don't exercise... What was I thinking walking for so long? All that happened was that I woke up today in pain! My back, legs, feet, stomach and neck all felt like I had gotten tooooo much exercise. Even if I did go into labor, why would I add to the pain I will already have? Dumb, dumb me. Ugh.

and p.s. I haven't been outside pretty much all summer because it's too hot for pregnant lady and so guess what? yup, I got a sunburn :(  I can't believe I tried that...

Monday, September 6, 2010

Over Due

Well it's labor day weekend and guess who still hasn't gone into labor... Trying very hard to be patient. I'm pretty much at the end of my stick. I don't know if I'll be more excited that I'm in labor or to know we're having a baby. I'm just pretty ready to no longer be pregnant. Labor day- please bring with you a baby.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Baby blog #8

Today was supposed to be my last scheduled doctor appointment. My due date is Saturday and I swear it crept up on us somehow. I mean, literally the past 2 weeks, everyday I think "Is it today?" and find myself disappointed. I can't help but be anxious. Joel is back in school now so he doesn't get home until just before 7 at night. So basically my day consists of getting things done (which is usually by noon) and then sitting around waiting. I'm not a big fan of just sitting around waiting. It makes the days VERY long! I told Joel that I wanted to have the baby just so I would have something to do... My reasons for wanting to have him change quite often now. Boredom, uncomfortable, ready for baby, excitement... Luckily, the past couple days I have been working very hard at not going crazy. I tell myself "It won't be today" over and over so that finally when bedtime comes, I believe it. Good strategy so far. But back to my doctors appointment. I went in prepared that nothing had changed. Sure enough, nothing. 2 weeks ago he told me there was a possibility of waiting as long as the 17th before inducing. 13 days AFTER my due date... not what any 38 week woman wants to hear! He was kind enough to change this to "Well, schedule an appointment for next week. That will definitely be our last appointment. We won't wait longer than next weekend." : D yay! I have an ending date now. The 11th or 12th is the end of it. It's sad that I might still have a week and a half, but I am SO happy to have an end in sight. It makes the waiting a whole lot easier. Right now it feels like I will be pregnant forever (because it's happened so many times in the past... logic isn't there sometimes). And baby is still growing. For a few weeks there, he was staying pretty much the same. Maybe slightly bigger. But between last week and this week he grew a whole cm! :) (Doc measures from pubic bone to top of uterus each week to see growth) Now I just need to be prepared for whenever baby wants to come. Sooooooon :)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Life can be complicated! (kinda long)

Well, since my last blog, a few things have happened. First to come to mind is that we found out our apartment building is going into foreclosure which means... yup, we're getting evicted. Our rental company called and told us we didn't need to pay rent for august (sweet) and that once the bank took over, we'd have 90 days to find a new place. Of course I panicked and my pregnant hormones raged. But finally after a lot of mental conversations and lots and lots of prayers, I found myself okay with it the next morning. We were moving but we'd have 3 months, rent free, to find another place. HA... so after many attempt to get a hold of the landlord (not rental company) to find out the details on when all this was going to take place, we discover that the receptionist was mistaken in telling us we would have 90 days to find a new place. In reality, we will have 30 days. So our official move out day is September 19th. :( Luckily I had my break down the first day. Now I have been blessed enough to stay calm. (by calm I mean that I'm not having a hard time coping. it's still frustrating but my ability to handle it is a lot better) Now that we have the eviction notice, Joel and I are trying to get "cash for keys." Apparently it's something that some banks do to get tenants out quickly and with minimal damage to the building. Joel's brother works with someone who ended up getting $1500.00 this way. We wouldn't mind $1500.00 :) Our attempts have turned up no luck so far.

The hard part for me was figuring out why this happened. We moved into this apartment 4 months ago. While we were looking for apartments, we were SO inspired to get this one. We weren't sure if we could afford to live this far away from Joel's work and bang(!) Blessing. They messed up on our apartment contract and said we would owe $70.00 a month less than we had originally thought it would be. Coincidence that the dollar difference between what we paid here and the place closer to his work was exactly what Joel paid for gas? I think not. After moving here, we couldn't believe how much we appreciated and enjoyed being so close to family. 30 minutes wasn't that bad, but 5 miles is much better. -- Then we find that we're being evicted. Nothing in the area is even close to comparing to what we have now. All the rentals are smaller and cost more than what we have now. Disappointment. We enjoy our family. If we have to pay more, we'll have to move back to the area we originally were... 30 minutes away. Complicated? yes :( You can see how I wasn't seeing the blessings in of all this?

So because we know we're moving within the next month, Joel and I have kind of been in a rush to find a new place. We spent several hours going through the listings of about 10 different rental companies only to find that 2 or 3 might work. Finally giving up, we went to bed. The next night, we drove around looking for signs on places for rent, and then looking them up when we got home. No luck. The next morning I decided that I would start researching foreclosed properties. Joel's parents had talked to us about buying an investment property which we could rent from them. My thought was that foreclosed properties would be inexpensive enough that when it was all said and done, they wouldn't lose money and we could afford it. During my research, I discovered that, HEY, Joel and I might be able to afford to buy. Neither of us had even considered it because we thought it was outside of our budget. That same afternoon, with a list of foreclosures in hand, my mother in law and I drove around looking at the properties. (Most of which we didn't have exact addresses for, just streets, so we went up and down the street looking for the right one) After seeing some of the houses, I decided that this was too complicated to do by myself. I wanted and needed a realtor to be able to go IN them. (Not just window look) I called coldwell banker and got an appointment to meet with someone that day. We went in and believe it or not, we somehow managed to get probably the only native german/austrian realtor in town. He and Joel hit it off and went crazy speaking german and talking about places they lived and liked. Big brownie points for him. He gave us a collection of houses in the price range I had given on the phone earlier that day. WE LIKED THEM. After discussing our ideas of what we wanted, he was able to get us a meeting with someone to talk about whether or not we could actually afford a house. (a loan person, I'm not the best with all the terminology) What we discovered? Yes! We left our meetings with 9 prospective houses in hand. We then turned into nosy peoples who drive to subdivisions and peek in all the windows. :) Our realtor wanted us to get an idea of areas/ houses we liked and didn't like so he suggested doing a drive by. We did just that. After our peeks, we narrowed down the houses we were interested it and went through them the next day with our realtor (Herb). We found one we really liked and put an offer on it. Sadly, multiple offers came in for the same house and we didn't win. Fairly disappointed, we began the search all over again. We wanted to be sure we were getting the house Heavenly Father had in store for us, we were just hoping to do it quickly since we're being evicted. But in our second go around, we found a house we like much much more! We put an offer in and once again, multiple offers. This time however, we won! :) So now we anxiously wait for the house buying process to go through and pray all is done before our eviction date!

So to wrap this all around. Eviction= happy us. Funny right? (also- baby due in 5 days...)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Baby blog #7

Last night I ended up going to labor and delivery because I realized that I hadn't felt the baby move that day. It wasn't a normal day for me so I hadn't given it much thought. Anyways... I hadn't been feeling very good the past couple days. My back hurt a lot, and the night before I went in, I slept terribly. I kept waking up with a stomach ache. When I would get up to go pee, my stomach would be SO tight and it would take me a little to be able to stand up straight. So because I wasn't feeling baby move, doc said we needed to go to labor and delivery. Got there and they hooked me up to two machines. One to measure baby's heartbeat, and the other to see if I was having contractions. Sure enough- I was. Part of me felt justified and the other part was like, no no baby, too early. (only 33 weeks) Justified because on the way there he started moving, and because I had a suspicion it was contractions and it was nice to be confirmed and not just a guess.

One of the first questions the nurse asked me after that was, have you been outside a lot in the past few days. Yes. (we had just gotten back from camping that day for a family reunion) She checked my pee and I was definitely dehydrated. Apparently being dehydrated can start contractions. So I was officially admitted and they gave me an IV of fluids and a giant cup of water to sip on. They gave me 2 liters of fluids via IV in just over an hours worth of time. I had to PEEE. The good news is that it stopped the contractions and they were able to skip giving me a steriod shot to stop them and sent me home. We're keeping him in at least one more day. :) The only down side to the whole visit was that because I was a little dizzy and nauseas they gave me something in my first liter of fluids to help with it. I have no idea if it helped with either of those because about five minutes later, I was pretty much knocked out and sleeping. Couldn't keep my eyes open if I had wanted to. Oh and not only did the meds give me weird dreams, I talked out loud in responce to them AND had the most difficult time making it to the restroom to pee. I mean- I made it... but the walking wasn't the most coordinated. For a down side, being tired really isn't all that bad.

Baby is safe and I am still pregnant. All is well in our world.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Baby blog #6

I still can't believe that tomorrow will be the mark of 7 1/2 months done. I love how fast time is flying by, but at the same time it almost catches me off guard. This next week is my last monthly visit with the doctor and then we're down to bi-weekly! Only 8 weeks left now. I'm not counting or anything... :)  (ps... for those that are doing the calculations of 7.5 months and 8 weeks... doctors calculate your trimesters a little different. The last 6 weeks are all considered to be 1 month)

Tomorrow is also my baby shower. I am so super excited for it! My mom and sister have put lots of time into planning and I know it'll be nice. I'm excited to get things for Bentley but I'm also anxious to know what's left to get. Especially the big things. Hopefully someone gives us an adorable outfit that he can wear home from the hospital, because I haven't gotten anything for that yet and I think I'd put too much thought into if I had to go buy something. It's just clothes for a baby right? Oh and to have more things to put away in his room. Sigh. I go in the nursery once or twice a week and just stare at what we've got so far. I have a newborn outfit that I look at and try to imagine this little tiny being that will fit into it. I'm glad they start small because I honestly don't want to push a watermelon out. Nope. Not even a little.

Joel is getting more excited about having a baby. He touches my tummy in public a lot when talking to someone about coming events. Just his body language has changed. Before, he was more passive about the topic of having a baby and family. Now he seems to be thinking about it more. He's very in-tune with my needs and I can't tell you how grateful I am that he's so willing to do anything for me. Almost daily he is offering to rub my feet or back or legs. I am most achy at night while trying to fall asleep. I really appreciate him rubbing my back. I have this terrible feeling that I'm going to have back labor when the time comes. At least my hubby has gotten lots of practice in knowing what I like and don't like. He's going to be a really good "coach." I hear stories from other ladies about how their husbands act and react to similar situations. It makes me very grateful that Joel is my perfect other half. It's like he's willing to do all the things I'm unable to do. In recent weeks (especially days!) I appreciate that he shoves me up the stairs. My poor legs just aren't cooperating with me like I want them to... Which brings me to another point. I am getting to the stage where my body does not listen to what my brain wants it to do. Stand up. Roll over. Walk. Sit down. Eating... Where's my comfort zone? I know it only gets better so I have made it a personal goal to not complain about it. Its not like Joel can take the discomfort away, and I really don't feel better having ranted on and on about my discomfort. If I need something, I ask. But otherwise, life goes on. Can't keep entertaining my mental pity party. :)

I can't forget to mention how proud I am of Joel. He has been working full time and going to school full time since we have been married, and is doing so well! Not only has he gotten almost complete straight A's (1st B this last semester), he has also gotten a promotion at work and is doing an internship. I am so proud of you honey!! I know you will always provide for our family. I also have to give a lot of credit to God. Without his inspiration, there is no way we'd be where we are now. God willing, only good things to come!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Baby blog #5

There are all sorts of thoughts and conversations one has with oneself when pregnant that you would never imagine coming up. Such as the term "mommy." Mommy has always been a term to refer to MY mommy. Or the mommy of friends who are also my age. Yes, my mommy has a mom, but she's grandma to me. So when the moment comes that one has the conversation with oneself about the appropriate time to be referred to as "mommy".. it's kind of a strange, almost debate with your own thoughts. "I'm not mommy- not yet".."Well I guess I could refer to myself as the mommy of our baby"... "It's still to weird to say it out loud, I'll wait"... "Did I really say mommy out loud? I must be getting used to the idea"... "No- saying mommy about myself is still too weird."... "Oh man, 10 weeks left and then I'm going to be a mommy. Wait, I'm going to be a mommy. I'm going to be a mommy? Weeeeiiirrd." (haha- now you have insight into my odd thoughts)

Another thought that I had this morning was that, oh ya, Joel will be there to help. It was an "ah ha moment" as the commercials say. I'm glad I didn't make this discovery while talking to someone because I'm sure they would think "Duh.." But hear me out. So far.. It's pretty much been all me. I mean, Joel contributed some genetics, but after that it's been all me. I carry the baby. I feel the movements. I get sick due to baby. I'm the one with this motherly attachment already. I'm the one getting things ready for when baby comes. I bring up the conversations of names, furniture, choices, ideas. And finally, I'm the one who will be doing the actual giving birth!  So you can see how my mental mind almost forgets that after we have the baby, Joel can be an active participant as well. If we hypothetically went on a family camp out with a baby, Joel can take care of him too! It's really an amazing thought :) Or rather, a stress relieving thought. Thanks honey for all the help I know you'll give :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


In one of my earlier blogs I mentioned that Joel and I are trying a new thing for dinner. The 4-week meal planner. It's actually going really well aside from my 'random craving' days. Having a meal plan for the whole week has really helped us both financially and nutritionally. We spent right around $60 for two weeks of groceries. That's pretty good if you ask me! The fun part has been being able to try new things. We've made a home made alfredo sauce for fettuccine alfredo (way better than canned stuff!!!!), we made a salad with lime vinaigrette last night (had a new flavor but definitely way healthier than smothering it in we made the vinaigrette ourselves), we made a spiniach lasagna that was actually pretty good (and if you know me you know I'm not a lasagna fan). Overall, I think the best part of the meal planning is that we have side dishes with our meal instead of just a main dish. It's helped us eat smaller portions of the food as well as incorporated a bigger variety of food groups. A balanced diet definitely hasn't been my forte in the past.

As for the vacation I mentioned earlier as well... wonderful!! We left early on a friday (I mean, we were packed and on the highway by 6am) and drove the 9 hours to the coast. What a long drive!! Luckily my hubby was kind enough to let me sleep if I needed, so I only suffered through half the trip. Each day in Newport, we did something new and had so much fun. We really enjoyed the free things we were able to do because they were surprisingly the neatest things. By the time Tuesday came though, I was pretty tired of seafood. We had a great time going to beaches, exploring tide pools, eating the food, visiting the shops.. it was great. The ride home was another story. We made it safe, don't get me wrong. But I was so ready to be home. Joel and I were pretty tired of seeing the signs that said "Road Work Ahead, Fines Double"... Oregon, take down the construction signs when you're NOT using them anymore. We got caught in quite a bit of construction on our way back too. My favorite part of the whole trip was talking to Joel and being able to laugh at ourselves. We are strange people when we're by ourselves. We discovered that we both felt a "bond" to a car we'd been following for a couple hours. Strange, I know. I guess we were both just tired of being tourists. So... Car that we followed that was also from Idaho AND the same county as us- we enjoyed following you and getting annoyed when slow pokes got between us :) ...haha... As fun as going on vacation was, it was nice to be home. Your own bed, your own dishes. It's just nice.

My baby shower is getting close. Eeeee! Am I excited? Oh yes! Registering was lots of fun. The things people have invented just for a baby are sometimes neat and sometimes- well, lets just say my mom and I would say "seriously... someone is selling this?" I enjoyed it though. I wish I could be there when the people I invited go shopping. I just want to buy things so I would live vicariously through my guests :) I guess that's what presents are anyways. (Things people buy, haha)

My summer is luckily busy! Starting with the weekend of Joel's birthday: Vacation to Newport, Joel's work party/ Father's day, Mom's birthday, 4th of July, Baby shower, family reunion, Sister and 2 brother in laws birthday. I mean, June- July is packed every weekend. I'm so grateful for that because I know I'm going to be miserable in the heat and in the anticipation. August... that's another story. August will probably go by way too slow for my liking (since Bentley isn't due until the first week of September). That's it for now.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Baby blog #4

The emotions that come along with being pregnant can sometimes be overwhelming and annoying. In the moment, I feel right and completely understandable, but upon reflection I find how silly my reasoning is. It seems that the only time I am truly aware in the moment of how silly my emotions are is when I am crying. Last night for example, I was listening to the news as I got ready for bed and a story of a kitten riding from Utah to Provo, ID in the engine compartment of a vehicle comes on. Kitten was fine, just suffered minor injuries. But me... I'm sobbing without any hope of stopping, thinking of the poor kitty and it's feelings and it's injuries and all the things I imagine it was going through (as if it were human non the less). But it was fine.. and was going to make a full recovery they said. I mean- sad story maybe.... but 10 minutes of uncontrollable crying... no. And the whole time I'm thinking, "of all the stupid things I can cry about." Luckily I was able to successfully hide from my husband while I worked at stopping the crying. He's pretty certain that every time I cry, it's his fault. I just didn't feel like having to say over and over "It's not your fault" because obviously I wasn't going to say "the stupid kitty story on the news is making me cry for 10 minutes even though it had a happy ending." haha.

When I feel the most stupid is when I look back on a disagreement or moment of anger I just had with Joel and realize yes, what he did was not the way I wanted it done, but no, it was not a very good reason to be angry or short with him. Thank you really supportive and understanding husband for not reacting negatively to my insane outbursts! Washing your face with my facial moisturizer would probably have been funny had I not been pregnant. :) Oh the 20/20 vision we have looking backwards.

As for dreams- I have been having a lot of strange dreams where I am with my ex boyfriends again. At first I would wake up guilty that I was dreaming of other guys. But upon reading a dream interpretation for pregnant woman's dreams, I feel a lot better. Apparently dreaming of previous relationships suggests that I am becoming bothered with my new appearance. And dreaming of previous relationships is a way of me feeling "desirable" or beautiful still. I didn't realize how conscious I was of my personal appearance until it was pointed out to me. Being pregnant, you do become very aware of everything on your body. Your skin, weight, clothing (ie- the way it fits or DOESNT anymore) So I feel safe in saying that my brain does not have some kind of other motive I am unaware of. (one starts to question themself when their dreams become progressively odd)

And as for baby Bentley- he has made his preferences known already. He likes sugary things. Fruit and ice cream (not together) in particular. He makes me crave very unhealthy things such as deep fried everything. He prefers that I sleep on my right side or else he kicks and throws a tantrum so mommy can't sleep or has a terrible urge to pee. He also prefers to inhabit the right side of my stomach. (However last night his head was just to the left of my belly button and his arms and feet were down the right side) He's a kicker, not a puncher. (I can tell because when he kicks, both his head and feet push on my tummy. And when he punches just one spot moves and it's generally not as strong) I feel a very strong willed child on the way. Only 11 more weeks till his due date. Luckily, May and June have gone by pretty quickly and July is filled with lots of things as well. So once July is over- then I'm sure the wait will become unbearable. Tick tock, tick tock.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Vacation here we come!

Well aside from the random people starting to touch my tummy, pregnancy is going well. For those people who I don't know or barely know... please don't touch my stomach. Just because I'm pregnant does NOT make it any less awkward than if I were to walk up to you and touch yours. Baby is moving less now, which makes mommy very happy. He still wiggles and moves around, but I can handle that. Those are usually slow movements and not quick, sharp jabs to the stomach and bladder. By the way- baby kicking bladder is also on my list of "could do without" list. :) Of course we get to pick our symptoms.

As for Joel and I- We are leaving for vacation tomorrow morning! Ya! We thought it would be a good idea to get one good vacation in before we had the baby. I've spent the past several days trying to deep clean the house so we have something nice to come home to. I always like the feeling of clean house after a vacation (and in general). Hopefully we have a safe drive there and back. Newport, OR here we come :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Baby blog #3

This blog is going to be titled "Gas: I hate you!" Being pregnant sure gets your insides all out of wack. One of the many joys (for me) is dealing with gas pains. You know, the kind that just doesn't want to go one way or another so it just makes you hurt on the inside. Ugh! Every time I get bad gas pain I have to evaluate myself to make sure I'm not having contractions or Braxton hicks contractions (false ones for those who don't know that). I think every woman goes through these panics and conversations in their heads of "what was that?" "is everything still okay?!" And of course it has been every time. Just a little taste of what it'll be like once he gets out.

There is good news though. You always have to look at the good things. Like... because your uterus grows and shares the same space as your stomach, you throw up less because your stomach is smaller. :) Always gotta see the positive. I'll let you know more positives that I find. :) That's it for today though. Nothing exciting.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Baby blog #2

Apparently acknowledging that you have weird dreams due to pregnancy sets off this explosion of strange dreams! The past few nights I have slept terribly because of my dreams. We have a humidifier in our room and I dreamt that it wasn't working because I for some reason turned it upside down when I turned it on. I almost apologized to Joel the next morning for it not working. Last night was another strange dream. As I was tossing and turning trying to fall asleep, Bentley was also tossing and turning I guess. He was VERY active... good reason I couldn't sleep... So in my dream that night, I had a dream that he was moving around a lot and I was watching my stomach move (like always). Then I decided that I wanted to see if I could figure out where his head and feet and what not were. So I look down and my tummy was kind of see through and HEY... toes. So I grab them and was like "aww here are his toes on his little bitty feet". I feared in my dream that I would hurt him if I kept holding onto his toes since he moves around so much. I guess it's not as strange of a dream as the last one I reported but when you wake up and remember these things, thoughts like "as if I could grab his toes... honestly" and "...a see through belly??" tend to creep into your mind.The logic just isn't there when you're sleeping.
Yesterday was Bentley's active day. He wiggled SO much that I was able to record about 3 minutes of quite a bit of movement. The weirdest part is seeing your stomach jerk sideways and watch a lump move around. The video is cool to have. I have also found slight joy in being able to feel a hard lump in my stomach every so often. It must be him with his back towards my belly button or something. Only been able to feel that 2 or 3 times, but it's kind of neat. So close to holding him and yet so far.
Joel and I are doing well otherwise. We're trying something new for dinner. We are generally terrible at thinking up meals to make and often end up eating unhealthy things. So now we're trying something new. We've made a 4 week meal plan and each week has a grocery list and nutrition information. Hopefully it's something we can keep doing. It's gone well so far. Wish us luck.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Baby blog #1

So I've decided to start reporting the interesting (or weird) things that happen during my pregnancy. I've started to notice how BIG Bentley is getting. When I lay on my back there is this very defined lump. Sitting up in bed has become more of a chore. When they say you should roll onto your side and then push up... no joke... Trying to just sit up in bed is like trying to do your 100th sit up in a work out. EFFORT. (Plus the doc/nurse really try to tell you to not do that. You try breaking a 21 year habit) It's also kinda fun to watch Bentley move now. He is super active right now which gives me positive and negative feelings. A) It's so new to see your stomach move on it's own and in no particular pattern but B) When he gets going, it makes my stomach sick. Laying in bed trying to fall asleep is his new favorite time to kick mommy. Like he's saying "wake up woman, I've slept all day." haha. The oddest of new things to report is a dream I had. I've always had really strange dreams but it seems that lately they are always about babies or children. This last one, I had baby early. But the real suprise was that there were 2 more in there that the doctor didn't catch. So I had 3 babies. AND the really confusing part was that one of them was black and I was trying to figure out how to convince Joel that they were all his... even the black baby. But 2 of them died..? And I held one and when you sat it up, it's eyes were open. When you layed it down they closed... like those dolls do... seriously. I wasn't sad about them dying either which was weird. So then someone hands me Bentley (infant, minutes old, bentley) and he's crying. So I go into the other room to calm him down (? don't know why) and my niece Ukiah is in the room. So what happens next... Bentley sits up and yells at her about how stupid her name is and yells profanities. The whole time I'm trying to stop him and I'm crying because my baby came out mean. Very mean baby. I think I woke up after this and was mad at Bentley. I told Joel that night that that whole day I didn't want him anymore because he was going to be mean. haha. I didn't mean it of course, but sometimes your feelings from a dream has its way of staying with you a while. So there you go- tripletts, black baby, and mean talking baby.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Happy Birthday

Well, yesterday,  May 5th was my birthday. I had a wonderful day. It started with calls from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. Thank you Ukiah for being 3 and making me laugh. My second phone call of the morning was from Kim and Ukiah. Ukiah asked me if I had gotten any presents for my birthday and I told her yes. She asked me what... so of course I tell her a camera (beautiful new camera from mom and dad, thanks!) and some cards(forgetting the beautiful tulips my husband had given me, sorry honey). She said," that's it!? Only TWO presents?! I got lots of toys for my birthday." Afterwards Kim got back on the phone and told me her eyes got really big from the shock. It was a good laugh. I absolutely love my new digital camera. Thank you to everyone who called, texted or left me a message on facebook. So my day continued with going to my mom's work and having lunch with her. It was a celebratory pizza and salad. School lunch, you never left me hungry- thanks. 
After lunch I headed to Boise to check out Archivers and buy myself a couple things. After that I got to see megan and bob's new kitten, Larry. Tiny little guy still.

I got lucky too because usually on Wednesdays (which is the day my b-day fell) Joel has a class that starts at 6pm so he doesn't usually get home until 8 or so... but lucky me... Last week was the last time he had to go to this class so he got home early. Yea. We got ready to go out to dinner and I took a few pictures of us before we headed out.

This one was my favorite of both of us. You can even see the beginnings of Bentley showing. That tummy sure doesn't look like my regular self. It's definitely weird to see myself from other people's point of view. At least I look pregnant now and not just fat like I did a few weeks ago. (22.5 weeks pregnant here)
This picture I really liked because I was setting the timer on the camera and taking practice pictures to make sure we'd both fit in the frame. Going back through the pictures later that night I discovered that Joel had been posing for them :) Silly husband.

We went to Wingers for dinner and got free dessert at the end because... of course, a birthday. I'm almost annoying myself how many times I've said birthday so far, haha. At any rate the ice cream cake was delicious! Joel and I took a while getting that down because we had gotten so full from dinner. But needless to say.. that cake was not wasted. It's amazing the portions they give too. Joel and I figured that they either cut the dessert in fourths or fifths, because it was huge!

Once we left Wingers we went to Hollywood video to rent a movie. At the check out we discovered that I was able to get a free movie because- you guessed it.. I was celebrating :) To end our money spending for the night, but not quite conclude, we went to Coldstone and got ice cream. Yum yum. The very end of our date was spent in our in-laws hot tub. Ohhh so nice. (And don't worry.. I listened to my body and didn't stay in too long to hurt baby) It was a wonderful 21st birthday spent with my husband.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Exciting updates...

Well Joel and I have settled on a name for our little boy. Baby Bentley. It was amazing how real everything became once I could refer to our baby by his name. I couldn't help but feel unattached to this baby that was inside of me that I couldn't see growing or feel moving. It was unreal if you could imagine. BUT.. now we have a name AND a couple days ago I felt Bentley kick with my hand!! Joel and I were getting ready for bed and I was rubbing lotion on my tummy and could feel that he was moving around. So.. I held my hands on my tummy thinking no way will I be able to feel it. And then I did! And it was so cool. Almost immediately I doubted that I had really felt anything and then he kicked again. It is the weirdest but coolest thing. Joel is jealous and really wants to be able to feel baby move. It's still early, but I think definitely within the next couple weeks he will have his turn.

Otherwise we are doing well. Joel just got a promotion at work and is finally off the phones doing customer service. He is so much happier and we are both really grateful for the pay raise. Life just keeps getting better and better :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

And the big news is revealed! It's a BOY :)

For those of you who I haven't told personally, I apologize. Joel and I were trying very hard to keep the baby's gender a secret until we could tell the family. We found out on April 1st that our little bundle is a boy. I looked at the screen and there was no doubt in my mind that we're having a little boy. He was wiggling all over the place and doing little flips for us. At our very first ultrasound (just over two months along) the doctor was checking to a) confirm we were indeed pregnant and b) see how far along baby was and set a due date. At that time he told us baby was still small so he set us back a week from what we thought we were. We had to do 10 weeks twice... it was a bummer! The reason I bring this up is because at this last ultrasound, doc said that once again our little one was smaller than what my new set due date is. Only by a few days I guess, but I'm wondering if we're going to have a small little boy. It doesn't worry me because I know that doctors try to keep all babies in one general "this is where your baby should be." He said everything else looked good; heart, tummy, brain and spinal fluids... so no reason to worry about him yet.

As for me- I'm starting to feel pregnant. And by that I mean that my stomach is getting bigger and after I eat I definitely feel like I need to wobble to keep the pressure off my stomach area. (otherwise it is very uncomfortable) Of the 3 pounds I have gained so far, baby is a whole .5 pound of it. I'm also starting to feel like my skin is not big enough for him anymore. Imagine trying to stuff a a body pillow into a plastic grocery bag... it just doesn't fit... that's how I'm starting to feel. A little overstuffed haha. People still tell me they don't think I look pregnant yet, but I CAN tell! I ran into a friend yesterday who said they thought I had miscarried because I wasn't showing very much for being almost 5 months prego. Compliment? I think so?

Other than that, life is going well. We're getting settled into our new place here in Nampa. I LOVE it! It's so close to family and bigger! I'm loving the third bedroom. Baby's room is coming along. He has a few outfits and diapers in the closet, a dresser, nightstand, and crib. So most of the big furniture is covered. Everytime I pop by the baby section at store I have to force myself to put things back because who knows what we'll get at the baby shower. I anxiously wait for it :) It's like a big party for ME (not joel) and I get all these presents to open and be excited to play dress up on my baby. Joel hates it when I even joke that our little boy will be a momma's boy and not a "manly mans" boy. haha... So anxious for him to arrive. Names picked out? ha! Boy names are so hard... suggestions are SO welcome! Hopfully we'll have something picked out before he's born.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I was only a little bummed.... :(

Well I have found great support these past 3 months of being pregnant from a website called I joined a group of young women who are also first time mommies due around the same time I am. It has been great to share concerns and hear that other women truly are going through the same things I am. Sometimes complaining to your husband just isn't enough. haha. The reason I bring this up is because while I read about other womens' stories, I have discovered that a lot of women have the chance to go to a 3D/4D imaging center. At these centers women have had the chance to find out the sex of their babies EARLY! At first I though, "oh, why spend money for an extra ultrasound?" But now... now I'm thinking "ugh! i want to know the sex of the baby now! Then we can pick gender specific clothes and accesories and NAMES." Soo... I got online and looked for places that did this kind of thing. The women online had been saying they were paying anywhere from $40-$120. And so I thought... it's worth a look. Well I got online to find a place like that in our area and NOTHING! The only place that popped up didn't do the 3D/4D (because typical ones are 2D) ultrasound until 17 weeks!! And my doctor can tell me between 18 and 20 weeks!! ugh... there is no way I'm paying $100 for someone to tell me a mere week early. Stupid stupid. So of course as the heading says, I was only a little bummed.... :)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Guess What's New...?

Well we have some fun news for everyone. Joel and I are expecting! We found out the morning of christmas eve. It was a fun little christmas present to ourselves. Now we are both very excited for what is to come. I couldn't help myself and have been to Babies R Us and a couple other places looking at all the fun new things. We're still quite a ways from finding out what the gender is ( about 10 weeks more still). But we look forward to our first ultrasound on Feb 1st. I'll do my best to keep everyone updated.!!

Monday, January 4, 2010

January 2010

Well the new year has begun and Joel and I are preparing for another year. It's hard to believe that we've been married close to 8 months now. I remember counting down until our wedding day and now here it is 8 months after (almost). We are having a good life. We've been very blessed and love where we're at in life. Zedd is getting bigger. He's a BIG eater right now. He's getting himself a little pot belly. Joel is enjoying work. He just got a $1.35 raise and is very happy for it. At the end of January he will be starting his 4th semester of College. He absolutely LOVES his major. -math- We're excited to see where all of this education takes him (well us).

I'm learning to cook more things. I love cooking. I also love grocery shopping. My crock pot gets it's fair share of use now. It's fun to learn new meals that just get thrown into the crock pot, sit and cook, and are ready for dinner. My favorite way to cook!!