Today I am feeling down. I think it's a combination of the gloomy weather that winter brings and not feeling well. The congestion and pain in my sinuses and feeling a bit dizzy. My sinuses just don't like me. I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. But alas, children require a little work. I'm grateful to be going to school so that it helps me get out of the house and have a little socialization. I can't wait for the sunshine! Overcast days for months and months is just so gloomy. After the Christmas excitement is over, the January to March stretch just seems so LONG. I prefer cold weather to hot...but I prefer cold and sunny :)
Looking towards happier days!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
I am a Mormon.
The point of this 'journal entry' (because that's what this blog is to me) is to remind myself why I became a Mormon.
As a child, I had this urge to go to church. My family didn't go, and I had a desire to go. On the few occasions that I went, and with lots of pondering in between (and I mean lots. years), I slowly came up with what I thought about church and God and religion.
1. I didn't think it was right for someone to go to Hell purely because they were not baptized. There are so many people who have never heard of Jesus Christ let alone know that he asked they be baptized in order to enter Heaven. In my 6th grade brain (because this is the time I remember thinking about it the most) "That isn't fair"
2. My mother taught me to listen to my feelings. Not the "I am angry" or "that makes me sad" feelings. The ones that in my gut would tell me something was right or wrong. A specific memory, I was at Fred Meyers with my best friend and her family and we thought it would be SO COOL to dress up as the same thing for Halloween. "Lets buy them now!" "What a brilliant idea!" "I'm sure my parents will be okay with this and pay you back as soon as you drop me off!"... only, I wasn't sure. And as we walked out to the car with our oh so cool Halloween costumes, I stopped dead in the middle of the parking lot because my feelings told me something wasn't right. From the doors of Fred Meyers to the door of the car I fought with these feelings. I wanted to do something fun but it didn't feel good. I politely asked if we could return to the store and take it back. And I'm glad I did. My mother taught me to listen to those feelings and act on them. And I did.
The first time I went to a Mormon church was when I was 17 years old. I started dating a boy who was LDS and at this point in my life, I was looking for a church. I wasn't actively looking. But thinking back, I was looking and didn't know it. We sit in the pews and the feelings I have are those of excitement of a new environment, shyness, and an over-whelming feeling of calm. The calm was what stood out to me. During that first visit, words were put to something I had already formulated in my mind and strongly believed. That 'feeling' I followed was the impression of the Holy Ghost. Finally, someone gave words to something so important to me. I know other Religions believe in the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit but this was the first time it was talked about.
I was excited to ask my boyfriend more about his religion. If his religion could describe one thing I believed, maybe his religion could describe others too. And sure enough, it did. There were times during my discussions with the Missionaries that they would teach me something and I didn't need to think about whether I believed it. The spirit was SO strong and bore such a powerful witness to me, that I accepted that concept and we moved on to the next. It would feel like they were teaching me things I already knew. (Even though I had only been to church a handful of times with friends, and had only read Genesis and Exodus in the Bible). Other times, they would teach me something and I would have lots of questions. Never did I feel like a concept was a "make it or break it " idea. This is not to say that I have never struggled with a concept in my church. There have been times that I had to really ponder and question, to be sure I believed. In the end, all I can say is, no matter how much I struggle or how far I fall, I can NEVER deny the spirit I have felt and the things it has witnessed to me. I may fall away or become complacent with life (I hope never to be these), but never can I deny that spirit. Once you know Christ is true and that he is your savior and that he died for YOU, you can never "un-know" this. It will always be in your mind.
This is my testimony. I am a child of God. I gained my love of Christ at the age of 17. I still struggle and learn what the Love of Christ has done and is doing for me. The spirit of the Holy Ghost has bore witness to me that the Book of Mormon is true. I know Christ has risen from the dead and made it so that someday, I too may regain my body and become perfect through him. I know that if I make a mistake, I can repent and be forgiven. I know that my baptism was the first step towards living with Heavenly Father again and that I must constantly remember Him and keep Him in my life. I know that my children are happier and my home is happier when I am doing the things to keep Christ in my life. I know that the scriptures are there for ME and are for me to search and ponder. They are not a milestone to be met. Reading them is not a milestone. Reading them makes me better. A happier person. A more forgiving person. A more forgiving mother and wife. I know that having the Priesthood restored to the Earth is important and I am blessed because of the men in my life who stay worthy to hold that power. Priesthood power is from God. I want my children to know that I love the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I want them to know that I am not perfect and that I need His help. And most of all, I want my kids to know the love of Christ and the comforting feeling of the Holy Ghost. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
As a child, I had this urge to go to church. My family didn't go, and I had a desire to go. On the few occasions that I went, and with lots of pondering in between (and I mean lots. years), I slowly came up with what I thought about church and God and religion.
1. I didn't think it was right for someone to go to Hell purely because they were not baptized. There are so many people who have never heard of Jesus Christ let alone know that he asked they be baptized in order to enter Heaven. In my 6th grade brain (because this is the time I remember thinking about it the most) "That isn't fair"
2. My mother taught me to listen to my feelings. Not the "I am angry" or "that makes me sad" feelings. The ones that in my gut would tell me something was right or wrong. A specific memory, I was at Fred Meyers with my best friend and her family and we thought it would be SO COOL to dress up as the same thing for Halloween. "Lets buy them now!" "What a brilliant idea!" "I'm sure my parents will be okay with this and pay you back as soon as you drop me off!"... only, I wasn't sure. And as we walked out to the car with our oh so cool Halloween costumes, I stopped dead in the middle of the parking lot because my feelings told me something wasn't right. From the doors of Fred Meyers to the door of the car I fought with these feelings. I wanted to do something fun but it didn't feel good. I politely asked if we could return to the store and take it back. And I'm glad I did. My mother taught me to listen to those feelings and act on them. And I did.
The first time I went to a Mormon church was when I was 17 years old. I started dating a boy who was LDS and at this point in my life, I was looking for a church. I wasn't actively looking. But thinking back, I was looking and didn't know it. We sit in the pews and the feelings I have are those of excitement of a new environment, shyness, and an over-whelming feeling of calm. The calm was what stood out to me. During that first visit, words were put to something I had already formulated in my mind and strongly believed. That 'feeling' I followed was the impression of the Holy Ghost. Finally, someone gave words to something so important to me. I know other Religions believe in the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit but this was the first time it was talked about.
I was excited to ask my boyfriend more about his religion. If his religion could describe one thing I believed, maybe his religion could describe others too. And sure enough, it did. There were times during my discussions with the Missionaries that they would teach me something and I didn't need to think about whether I believed it. The spirit was SO strong and bore such a powerful witness to me, that I accepted that concept and we moved on to the next. It would feel like they were teaching me things I already knew. (Even though I had only been to church a handful of times with friends, and had only read Genesis and Exodus in the Bible). Other times, they would teach me something and I would have lots of questions. Never did I feel like a concept was a "make it or break it " idea. This is not to say that I have never struggled with a concept in my church. There have been times that I had to really ponder and question, to be sure I believed. In the end, all I can say is, no matter how much I struggle or how far I fall, I can NEVER deny the spirit I have felt and the things it has witnessed to me. I may fall away or become complacent with life (I hope never to be these), but never can I deny that spirit. Once you know Christ is true and that he is your savior and that he died for YOU, you can never "un-know" this. It will always be in your mind.
This is my testimony. I am a child of God. I gained my love of Christ at the age of 17. I still struggle and learn what the Love of Christ has done and is doing for me. The spirit of the Holy Ghost has bore witness to me that the Book of Mormon is true. I know Christ has risen from the dead and made it so that someday, I too may regain my body and become perfect through him. I know that if I make a mistake, I can repent and be forgiven. I know that my baptism was the first step towards living with Heavenly Father again and that I must constantly remember Him and keep Him in my life. I know that my children are happier and my home is happier when I am doing the things to keep Christ in my life. I know that the scriptures are there for ME and are for me to search and ponder. They are not a milestone to be met. Reading them is not a milestone. Reading them makes me better. A happier person. A more forgiving person. A more forgiving mother and wife. I know that having the Priesthood restored to the Earth is important and I am blessed because of the men in my life who stay worthy to hold that power. Priesthood power is from God. I want my children to know that I love the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I want them to know that I am not perfect and that I need His help. And most of all, I want my kids to know the love of Christ and the comforting feeling of the Holy Ghost. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Another baby?
Immediately after Joel and I were married, I couldn't wait to have a baby! Joel wanted to wait a year and I wanted a baby PRONTO. We compromised and didn't get pregnant for 6 months :) After Bentley was born, I was in LOVE. That boy was the center of my world and was the perfect child. When he was about 8 or 9 months old I started to have that desire to have another one. Joel thought I was crazy so we waited 3 or 4 more months before my desire was so strong I wasn't waiting any longer. After Jetta was born, Joel and I looked at each other and said "how do people have MORE kids?!"
You can see why it is strange to me that I am not having a strong desire for another one. Even now, with Jetta being 18months old, I find myself strangely content with what we have. It's an odd feeling considering that I want a big family. 4 to 6 kids. (sometimes! haha) We passed a deadline that I set for myself a while ago for getting pregnant. That deadline came and passed and I felt at peace with it. I've set a new possible date for thinking about 3. Who knows, maybe 2 is all that's in the cards for us. That's a strange idea, but I love my kids. A boy and a girl. It would be fun.
You can see why it is strange to me that I am not having a strong desire for another one. Even now, with Jetta being 18months old, I find myself strangely content with what we have. It's an odd feeling considering that I want a big family. 4 to 6 kids. (sometimes! haha) We passed a deadline that I set for myself a while ago for getting pregnant. That deadline came and passed and I felt at peace with it. I've set a new possible date for thinking about 3. Who knows, maybe 2 is all that's in the cards for us. That's a strange idea, but I love my kids. A boy and a girl. It would be fun.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year
Here it is, January 1st of 2014. I once again have to get used to writing a different year on everything. Why is it so hard? Is it just me?
So many plans for the year. Joel and I are trying to use our passports before they expire. We are currently planning a trip to Germany in June. I am hopeful that all the pieces will fall into place so the trip can happen.
Measured how tall the kids are earlier tonight. In the last year, Bentley has grown close to 2 inches and Jetta a whopping 5! I know kids grow fast, but man, what a reminder of how fast that can be.
Jetta is talking so much. In the last couple days she has been saying (instead of signing) thank you. It's pretty cute the way she says it. I love this age when you can ask them to repeat lots of things and they'll actually do it. A few words she loves to say right now.
- appi-sa: apple sauce
- wa-er: water
- mi-ew: milk
- baa: ball
- mommIE: mommy (emphasis on the capitals)
- daddy: daddy
She doesn't love sitting still so I can fix her hair. Her hair is so long that it's constantly in her eyes so I try to do something to help. One trick that seems to help is to count the number of times I wrap the pony-tail in her hair. Its usually 2-4 times depending on the rubber band I use. BUT... cool moment... I was fixing her hair so once a couple days ago and started the usual 1... and she chimed in "TWO THREE FOUR!" Her words were clear and understandable and I was so proud! My baby counting with me at 18 months. I'm positive she has no clue what it means. But that she memorized the order of numbers and was so proud of herself as she did it... It was pretty cute!
I was taking Bentley and Jetta out for lunch a few weeks ago and pretty much any time we leave the house, Bentley is positive it is for the purpose of "seeing the Library being built." He doesn't understand why it's taking so long. Obviously the "tractors" and "cranes" are not working fast enough. Back to my story. We're going out for lunch and Bentley says to me "can we go see the Library being built?" to which I respond "Not today buddy, we aren't going that way. We're going to get lunch". He then responds in a very confused voice "But how can we eat lunch if we don't see the Library being built?".... "uhhh...we just do." We have some pretty interesting conversations sometimes. Favorite game right now is hide and seek. I can't blame him. I love it too. He's terrible at it... For one, you're not supposed to announce where you hide. 2. You're not supposed to immediately hide where ever you find mom or dad during their turn. 3. You're also not supposed to talk to the seeker while they are searching for you. We'll work on it. He's better than when we started. :) The saying Planes, Trains and Automobiles... ya... that's my kid. Except his would be Trains, Planes (the movie) and Construction Vehicles.
School starts towards to the end of January. I'm not sure how I feel. During finals week I was NOT looking forward to another semester. Now I'm feeling like it's do-able but do I want to. Joel is preparing for another actuary test. We're a fun group.
So many plans for the year. Joel and I are trying to use our passports before they expire. We are currently planning a trip to Germany in June. I am hopeful that all the pieces will fall into place so the trip can happen.
Measured how tall the kids are earlier tonight. In the last year, Bentley has grown close to 2 inches and Jetta a whopping 5! I know kids grow fast, but man, what a reminder of how fast that can be.
Jetta is talking so much. In the last couple days she has been saying (instead of signing) thank you. It's pretty cute the way she says it. I love this age when you can ask them to repeat lots of things and they'll actually do it. A few words she loves to say right now.
- appi-sa: apple sauce
- wa-er: water
- mi-ew: milk
- baa: ball
- mommIE: mommy (emphasis on the capitals)
- daddy: daddy
She doesn't love sitting still so I can fix her hair. Her hair is so long that it's constantly in her eyes so I try to do something to help. One trick that seems to help is to count the number of times I wrap the pony-tail in her hair. Its usually 2-4 times depending on the rubber band I use. BUT... cool moment... I was fixing her hair so once a couple days ago and started the usual 1... and she chimed in "TWO THREE FOUR!" Her words were clear and understandable and I was so proud! My baby counting with me at 18 months. I'm positive she has no clue what it means. But that she memorized the order of numbers and was so proud of herself as she did it... It was pretty cute!
I was taking Bentley and Jetta out for lunch a few weeks ago and pretty much any time we leave the house, Bentley is positive it is for the purpose of "seeing the Library being built." He doesn't understand why it's taking so long. Obviously the "tractors" and "cranes" are not working fast enough. Back to my story. We're going out for lunch and Bentley says to me "can we go see the Library being built?" to which I respond "Not today buddy, we aren't going that way. We're going to get lunch". He then responds in a very confused voice "But how can we eat lunch if we don't see the Library being built?".... "uhhh...we just do." We have some pretty interesting conversations sometimes. Favorite game right now is hide and seek. I can't blame him. I love it too. He's terrible at it... For one, you're not supposed to announce where you hide. 2. You're not supposed to immediately hide where ever you find mom or dad during their turn. 3. You're also not supposed to talk to the seeker while they are searching for you. We'll work on it. He's better than when we started. :) The saying Planes, Trains and Automobiles... ya... that's my kid. Except his would be Trains, Planes (the movie) and Construction Vehicles.
School starts towards to the end of January. I'm not sure how I feel. During finals week I was NOT looking forward to another semester. Now I'm feeling like it's do-able but do I want to. Joel is preparing for another actuary test. We're a fun group.
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